What If

Even though I'm a very optimistic person it's only natural for me to have days when I'm down and not so positive. Being a mother of a special needs child isn't always easy but I wouldn't trade it for anything. For the past few days I've been thinking about how far my son has come and how extremely blessed we are. However, I can't help but think about the "what ifs." What if he's still in pull ups for a couple more years? What if he's never able to write his name or a complete sentence? What if it takes him a really long time before he's able to ride a bike? What if he's not able to tie his shoes? What if he's not able to take care of himself one day and be independent? These are the questions I ask myself a lot and wonder if other parents of special needs kids wonder the same things. My mom is constantly reminding me that I can't worry about the "what ifs" and I should look at the things that he IS able to do. Focus on the things he CAN do and not on what he can't. I was really struggling last week with this and I had to take a time out to thank God for all of the things that my lil man has accomplished. Years ago drs thought he may never walk or talk and there were several times he almost didn't make it. He surprised all of us by walking and talking. I also remember a time when I thought he would never say a word, never be able to drink through a straw, never be able to walk up and down stairs without holding on to the rail, never be able to drink from a cup or feed himself, never be able to dress himself, and never learn his abc's, shapes, colors, and months of the year. He surprised everyone with all of those things too, he just did it in his own time. I honestly believe that he will reach the other milestones when he's ready as well. My advice for other parents is to not give up hope because usually the ones that drs say won't ever do anything are the ones that surprise us when we least expect it.

I've also learned that getting down about it and thinking negatively will only make the situation worse. It gives into that pessimistic frame of mind and I refuse to let Satan get to me or my son. I want to give God the glory and let Him be in control of my thoughts and my son's life. I'm so grateful that the Lord ALWAYS has His hands on my lil man and is always protecting both him and I. I'm grateful that He has given me the knowledge to go through this process and the strength to overcome it. And just when I need to be reminded of how I need to stay positive and how blessed I truly am, God has special ways of revealing those thoughts to me. Just when I least expected it, while my son and I were at the library, he sits down to color on a sheet of paper and says "Look mommy I drew a circle!" Sure enough on that paper was a beautiful red circle!